:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
