just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
