my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
