Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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