I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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