i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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