xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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