I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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