We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
