she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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