he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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