shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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