when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
