Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
