Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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