your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
