I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
