is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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