you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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