even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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