1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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