she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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