the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
