sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
