Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
