Soap is not a condiment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
