apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
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i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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