Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
