i think i have herpe
just one?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
