i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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