I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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