Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
