he thought i was a dude.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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