I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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