Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
