he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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