It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
