Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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