video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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