I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
