I think I died a long time ago.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
