This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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