oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
