can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
