I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
