you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
