I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Holy shit dude........stairs
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