it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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