Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He shit in the fireplace
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
