I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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