By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
