You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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