i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
