I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
