Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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