so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
