Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
