Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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