So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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