PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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