I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
